Two things about Whitstable, just today, have made me FUME.
As you may have realised, I’m a very laid back kinda dude. I surf for Gods sakes! But sometimes, even I get a little, you know, antsy. I’ve always believed that it’s best to let off steam when something upsets you, so I hope you don’t mind, I’m going to have a rant.
1. Parking in Whistable
Nothing new here. We all know it’s a nightmare.
And now they’ve shut the Gorrell Tank because it’s sinking into the sea, there is literally nowhere for the visitors to go.
It can be tricky to park my VW T4 by my cottage – the road is very narrow – so I usually park it there, in the Gorrell Tank car park.
Now I can’t! Not only that, there’s nowhere else to park it! I dare not leave it anywhere further or it’ll get keyed or stolen and set on fire. Even when I do drive it to my house to drop stuff off, it takes hours, because of all the other people driving round and round, looking for spaces in the streets near the town centre. I ended up having to use the park and ride – the park and ride – into my own town!! Even there, people were just randomly parking in front of real resident’s houses. And that’s on a miserable Wednesday morning! What the hell is it going to be like on Regatta weekend?
Do I think they should use Westmeades Recreation Park for ‘overflow traffic’ – yes! Only chavs play on that park anyway (won’t be parking there though! See comment above about keys and fire etc). Do I think there should be more park and ride spaces out of town – yes! (I won’t be parking there though – I’m a resident). I also have a helpful suggestion – charge DFLs £200 a day to park in town or in Tankerton if they insist on coming in. Also, ban anyone over the age of 60 from having a car in Whitstable. That should free up a hell of a lot of space. Just think how much faster the traffic would move if old people weren’t driving! Lol. No, seriously. I haven’t been on a bus for decades, even more humiliating being on a park and ride one.
My other suggestion would be to let the whole place just flood again and then I could live there on a boat. Actually – that’s not a bad idea…
2. Women with Grey Hair
Now, I’m not a misogynist. I’m a feminist in fact – I love women. Especially women who look hot. And young. Now, it’s come to my attention of late, as I’ve been about town, people watching, visiting local shops, just chillin’, that there are an extraordinary number of women in Whitstable that have simply let themselves go and stopped dying their hair. Extraordinary! Take that private view on Friday. Rammed with silver heads. All arty types of course – maybe they can’t afford L’Oreal starving away in their artist’s garrets – whatever.
I got a close up view of one such woman this morning after I got off the bloody bus. I’ve been suffering from a bit of chaffing lately (it’s the rubber wetsuit) so I popped into the local health food and medicine shop. There was this tiny little lady with silver hair in what I believe is a ‘pixie cut’. Why? She even sells organic bloody hair dye! And the attitude! These women, I’ve observed, all seem to be domineering, bossy and so irritatingly sure of themselves.
Those £300 pound a month appointments Pippa had to cover up her badger stripe were worth every penny. There is no way I’d want to be with a woman who clearly no longer cared if they were attractive. Oh – I’m not actually with Pippa right now. Forgot. Well anyway, this little woman, was wearing lipstick. I mean – what’s the point dear? You’re already giving out a clear signal that you’re NOT UP FOR ANY ACTION. Unless they’re all lesbians of course. The lesbians do love Whitstable. Lol!
This woman has got the right idea – see the horror on her face? That’s her first grey hair. Now get yourselves down to Boots and buy some dye – the lot of you!
Well, I feel so much better now. Thanks for being there. Time for me to wander into town, settle into one of my favourite quaint little cafes, read a book, have a lite lunch, a bagel maybe and just enjoy being in Whitstable. Ahhh – lucky me!