Two Things That Drive Me Mad

Two things about Whitstable, just today, have made me FUME.

As you may have realised, I’m a very laid back kinda dude.  I surf for Gods sakes!  But sometimes, even I get a little, you know, antsy.  I’ve always believed that it’s best to let off steam when something upsets you, so I hope you don’t mind, I’m going to have a rant.

1. Parking in Whistable

Nothing new here.  We all know it’s a nightmare.

And now they’ve shut the Gorrell Tank because it’s sinking into the sea, there is literally nowhere for the visitors to go.

Gorrell Tank Car Park – CLOSED!
Apparently, this titchy-tiny little bit of crumbling concrete is the reason why a 400 space car park has to be shut, causing IMMEASURABLE inconvenience to genuine residents, like me!

It can be tricky to park my VW T4 by my cottage – the road is very narrow – so I usually park it there, in the Gorrell Tank car park.

My pride and joy – the T4.

Now I can’t!  Not only that, there’s nowhere else to park it!  I dare not leave it anywhere further or it’ll get keyed or stolen and set on fire.  Even when I do drive it to my house to drop stuff off, it takes hours, because of all the other people driving round and round, looking for spaces in the streets near the town centre.  I ended up having to use the park and ride – the park and ride – into my own town!!  Even there, people were just randomly parking in front of real resident’s houses.  And that’s on a miserable Wednesday morning!  What the hell is it going to be like on Regatta weekend?


Do I think they should use Westmeades Recreation Park for ‘overflow traffic’ – yes!  Only chavs play on that park anyway (won’t be parking there though! See comment above about keys and fire etc).  Do I think there should be more park and ride spaces out of town – yes! (I won’t be parking there though – I’m a resident).  I also have a helpful suggestion – charge DFLs £200 a day to park in town or in Tankerton if they insist on coming in.  Also, ban anyone over the age of 60 from having a car in Whitstable.  That should free up a hell of a lot of space.  Just think how much faster the traffic would move if old people weren’t driving!  Lol.  No, seriously.  I haven’t been on a bus for decades, even more humiliating being on a park and ride one.

The Gorrell Tank pumping station. Great architecture.

My other suggestion would be to let the whole place just flood again and then I could live there on a boat.  Actually – that’s not a bad idea…


2.  Women with Grey Hair

Now, I’m not a misogynist.  I’m a feminist in fact – I love women.  Especially women who look hot.  And young. Now, it’s come to my attention of late, as I’ve been about town, people watching, visiting local shops, just chillin’, that there are an extraordinary number of women in Whitstable that have simply let themselves go and stopped dying their hair.  Extraordinary! Take that private view on Friday.  Rammed with silver heads.  All arty types of course – maybe they can’t afford L’Oreal starving away in their artist’s garrets – whatever.

Get rid of that ugly badger’s stripe ladies!

I got a close up view of one such woman this morning after I got off the  bloody bus.  I’ve been suffering from a bit of chaffing lately (it’s the rubber wetsuit) so I popped into the local health food and medicine shop.  There was this tiny little lady with silver hair in what I believe is a ‘pixie cut’.  Why?  She even sells organic bloody hair dye!  And the attitude!  These women, I’ve observed, all seem to be domineering, bossy and so irritatingly sure of themselves.

No one wants their wife to end up looking this this now do they?

Those £300 pound a month appointments Pippa had to cover up her badger stripe were worth every penny.  There is no way I’d want to be with a woman who clearly no longer cared if they were attractive.  Oh – I’m not actually with Pippa right now.  Forgot.  Well anyway, this little woman, was wearing lipstick.  I mean – what’s the point dear?  You’re already giving out a clear signal that you’re NOT UP FOR ANY ACTION.  Unless they’re all lesbians of course.  The lesbians do love Whitstable.  Lol!

Curling 003

This woman has got the right idea – see the horror on her face?  That’s her first grey hair.  Now get yourselves down to Boots and buy some dye – the lot of you!

Well, I feel so much better now.  Thanks for being there.  Time for me to wander into town, settle into one of my favourite quaint little cafes, read a book, have a lite lunch, a bagel maybe and just enjoy being in Whitstable.  Ahhh – lucky me!

Whitstable’s boutique Harbour Street – so chi chi!



28 thoughts on “Two Things That Drive Me Mad

  1. Good grief. Where to begin? It’s alright for you to be a DFL but you don’t want anyone else to visit or use a car… And you still haven’t told me what ETX is supposed to stand for.


  2. Wow, how incredibly misogynistic! I’m shocked at your attitude. Why should a woman have to cover her beautiful natural hair with chemicals? What an outdated, brainwashed view.


  3. Why do you assume a woman no longer wishes to be attractive if she isn’t dyeing her hair? That is not a logical conclusion. Just because YOU don’t find grey hair attractive you automatically assume she has given up trying to look attractive. Many women do not find beards attractive. Does that mean you have given up trying to be attractive? You really are an irritating arsehole.


  4. You are clearly a daft fellow aren’t you! Seems like someone has not checked out all the beautiful grey haired women on pinterest. Why there are even thousands of boards dedicated to just that. Somehow I don’t think they have all given up “getting some action” or that they are lesbians (not that there is anything wrong with either). Like anyone you are allowed your preferences but to be so blatantly stupid about grey hair, Daft!!!


  5. You sound like an absolute tool! Perhaps if you’d stop feeling so entitled, you wouln’t feel so angry. While you’re at it, let go of the idea that confident women give even one shit about what *you* think they should do with their hair. Get over yourself already. lol


  6. Coloring one’s hair and interest in sex have no correlation, first off. Your viewpoint is dated and, despite what you say, misogynistic. You cannot consider yourself a feminist and still insist that women conform to a societal standard of beauty that requires alteration to one’s natural state. You just can’t so stop inflating your ego by falsely claiming to be a feminist.


    • Women slag my strawberry blonde hair and beard off ALL THE TIME! I’ve been accused of ‘letting myself go’. Women are always telling me to shave it off (including my own wife)! I’m in my natural state! I was under the impression that the feminist utopia was equality between the genders? Doesn’t seem very equal if I get told to ‘alter my natural state’ but they don’t. Just sayin…


  7. Not all women think like your wife. I like beards and like to see a man looking natural. Please don’t assume all women think the same way.


  8. “Now, I’m not a misogynist. I’m a feminist in fact – I love women. Especially women who look hot. And young.”

    You’re actually pretty thick aren’t you? You’re the very embodiment of a misogynist. I am embarrassed for you.


  9. Your pics of a badger stripe and baboon were fairly interesting, but you, sorry to say, are not. Do you know that you don’t have to be a “granny” to give up the bottle? There are many women in their 30’s and 40’s who are going gray — just because they want to. Nobody accuses them of not being hot. The key thing is authenticity, which I’m afraid you will never understand.


    • Um, the wife’s read all these comments and I’ve had to slightly amend my position since she’s come back. Apparently, she herself would like ‘the option’ of going grey (I have no idea what her real hair colour is – it’s been every shade of bloody expensive for 20 years, lol). Not entirely happy. Sorry to say but the industry I work in is all about looking as young and hip as possible. Not sure the visual dynamic between us would work on the red carpet if she turned silver. She could always dye it again though. So yeah, I’ve got to go and apologise the little lady in the health food shop apparently, in order to smooth over relationships with real Whitstable people. Glad you liked the baboon though. Lol! Laters.


  10. And that is the thing isn’t it? You are in an industry which makes men feel vulnerable as they age. Too many genuinely creative young things nipping at your heels, CK? So you grow a beard for protection? And you say crass things on a (lets face it) rather boring blog (though to be fair I could only be bothered to skim read it; I was looking for your speechifying re grey hair – IME good grey makes heads turn and people rush to compliment; I imagine much in the same way a good beard might tho not had any experience of that) to make yourself sound, er, what? Smug? Cool? Hip? As if you have something worth saying? Jeez is your returned wife still with you? On the one hand I hope she gets out again quickly (if that is what she realises is actually the right move for her) but on the other, I would love her to stay with you as she grows out her grey and YOU have to deal with it. I feel rather sorry for you but sorrier for your daughters to have such a blob-head (“Now, I’m not a misogynist. I’m a feminist in fact – I love women. Etc etc”) for a father… No wonder you’re lonely!


  11. God, you are awful. The lady in Whitstable Nutrition is 10 times the person you will ever be how dare you speak about her like that. I hope you’ve apologised for being a stupid, ignorant, mysoginistic pig to her and in future keep your ridiculous opinions about other people’s hair to yourself.


    • Um, I’m going to have to pay her a visit very soon as it happens. Not feeling great. Probably won’t apologise though. Not an apology sort of guy. And men DO look better grey than women. Sorry love, that is a FACT.


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